Apparently Michael Caine has “confirmed” that Johnny Depp and Philip Seymour Hoffman will play The Riddler and The Penguin, respectively, in the third installment of the new Batman series.

Listen.

I love Johnny Depp. I do. Captain Jack Sparrow, Willy Wonka, I get it – he can play…”quirky.”

But The Riddler? Following up on Heath Ledger’s performance as the ultimate Joker – the Joker no one even knew was possible? I dunno, that’s a tough sell. I mean, clearly no one thinks he’s going to churn out a Jim Carrey performance here, but I just don’t see him bringing that same depth to the character, to the villain, to his villainy, as Ledger did. I mean, honestly, I don’t see who could.

But the real challenge is the similarity between the characters. Philip Seymour Hoffman has it made because, at worst, he’s going to be compared to Danny Devito’s take on the character. Chances are he’ll make it a little more like his characters in Mission Impossible 3 and Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead – ruthless, cold, etc. Fine. Job well done, we’ll say. But ol’ Deppyboy is going to be compared to Ledger’s Joker because, on the surface, both were typically viewed as playful, comical villains. If Depp doesn’t bring those other layers to the mix, we’re going to be…not “mad” – disappointed. Disappointed they didn’t have the presence of mind to select someone better suited for the job.

Now, truth be told, no one thought Heath Ledger was going to top Jack Nicholson’s performance from the original film. In fact, I think pretty well everyone thought it was a horrible casting decision that was going to sink the franchise. We were wrong. Maybe we’re wrong about Depp, too. Maybe he can pull it off. But there’s too much at stake. This isn’t Ledger going up against a timeless mainstay of Hollywood – no one could have been expected to outJack Jack. If Ledger failed, we would have chalked it up to being a valiant effort, but a lesson well-learned – you might be good, young’n, but you’re not Jack good. Depp, on the other hand, is nowhere near to being in that same boat. Far from. He’s going up against a peer, someone he’s supposed to be at least as good as, if not better. This is a kid from the same graduating class. Depp’ll be embarassed if he can’t match him, in ways that you never get embarassed when you go up against a professor. And how’s he going to get out of it when he fails? What can he do? Valiant effort? No, not valiant effort. He’ll just get an F for having the cohones to try and outdo a masterful peer, and he’ll sport the humiliation to prove it.

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