For the life of me, I can’t figure out why people insist on mocking the American media.

Shirley Temple Black breaks her arm

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) — Shirley Temple Black quietly celebrated her 80th birthday this week after breaking her arm in a fall at her suburban San Francisco home.

Rick Ross, her Los Angeles-based attorney, says the former child star is doing fine. She turned 80 on Wednesday.

Black was the top box-office draw in the U.S. from 1935 to 1938. Her best-known films include “Curly Top” and “Little Miss Marker.”

After retiring from the big screen, she held a number of diplomatic posts, including U.S. ambassador to Czechoslovakia.

Black lives in the San Francisco suburb of Woodside.

I mean, this is major news, people. Look at all the important things we learn here:

• She’s turned 80: I did not know that.
• She was a major box office draw between 1935 and 1938: A little bit of history for the Govn’a? Please, sir, can I have some more?
• She used to be the US Ambassador to Czechoslovakia: Some politics for the Missis? A crumpet?
• She lives in Woodside: Fascinating…but where is “Woodside”? Oh! It’s a suburb of San Francisco!

This is riveting stuff. I wish there was more news like this and less of, you know, things that are important. Maybe instead of having 2000 journalists trying to cover, dissect, and spin every word coming out of the mouths of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, we can get more journalists interested in covering benign injuries to child stars from the 1930s. I can see value in that. Hang on…I think I just found a niche market that’s being underserved. Hold the phones. I’m on it. I just hope the domain name is still available. Curse the cyber squatter who interferes with this!

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Right, which means…exactly.